Good Reasons NOT to Invite Friends to Church
Posted on | May 10, 2009 | No Comments
In February our church brought in a consultant named Paul Borden to take a peak at how we were doing as a church. Borden recommended a number things to the leadership that needed to be addressed. Among the shortlist of the major issues were the following (this is my paraphrase not exactly what was said - I’ve never seen the real report):
- We are ineffective at bringing people into the Kingdom of God (our church has grown but most of the growth is from people coming from a different church)
- We don’t have an effective method of discipleship at our church
- We don’t have an effective governance structure that closely supports and enables the mission to be accomplished.
In response to these three things, there has been a flurry of activity that has been added to an already packed church calendar. Some of this activity has been: topics of sermons, events for the community, committees that have been formed, etc. I doubt most of what we are trying will have a much of an effect.
I love the church that I attend and there are some towering strengths that it has. But on these things we miss the mark and are likely to continue to do so. Unfortunately the first two represent the mission of God on this earth entirely.
Since the consultant has been there we have heard a number of sermons. Most of which are about the fact that we do a lousy job of reaching out to people. Many of the sermons have been trying to cajole us as a congregation to bring people in the door.
Here are a few thoughts about why we are ineffective and then a brief list of questions worth asking.
- We are ineffective at reaching out to people because we have a view of reaching out that is us against them. Being a father of four and involved in the community at various levels I get to know a lot of people. The people in our community are by in large good people that care about the community, their children and even the world around them. Many of them volunteer many hours towards good causes, rec programs, schools, and non-profits. Most of them if asked the question “Are you a Christian?” would answer yes. So the problem is that the gospel we routinely preach is one where there are insiders and there are outsiders and our job is to bring the outsiders in and convince them of what we know. Unfortunately, this gospel is neither compelling nor convicting and it isn’t the gospel that Jesus preached.
- We are ineffective at influencing our community because our churches are not filled with people who are progressively becoming more like Christ. Instead our churches are filled with generally two types: the “conservative Christians” that have a convincing doctrinal correctness or more “liberal Christians” who view their role as saving the world through social justice. I am not against doctrine or social justice, actually I am for both. But neither represents the gospel that Jesus preached and both become self-righteous ways of proving that we have the right kind of religion. I know this personally: I have spent plenty of time approaching the world from both views and was ineffective as a result.
- We are ineffective because most of our messages are filled with either guilt or milquetoast. We regularly hear from the pulpit and other places how we aren’t doing enough, reading the bible enough, are watching too much tv, care too much about money, don’t pray enough, etc. The theme of most of these messages is to try harder. These things may be true, but they aren’t the message that Jesus came with. Jesus came offering a Kingdom of God that was so compelling that people left everything they had to be a part of it.
- We are ineffective because we haven’t grown in our faith to the point where we are living a soul-satisfying life that attracts those around us to want to be a part of our community. If I am honest with you for the most part I don’t see much in what we do on Sunday mornings that would be appealing to those outside of the church. Unfortunately the lives most of us live aren’t worth calling people into. This isn’t the way Jesus promised it and isn’t the way God intended it but it’s the truth for now. We need a personal calling to a deeper faith. Dallas Willard says it this way: “It is the responsibility of every Christian to carve out a soul satisfying life under loving rule of God so that sin will not look good.”
- We are ineffective because we have left out half of the great commission. Usually when you see the great commission quoted you will see this: “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit…” The problem is in the [dot, dot,dot]. The [dot, dot, dot] says this, “teaching them to obey all that I have commanded you and I am with you always to the end of the age.” The omission is that we are not recruiting people to be in our church, community, small group or other fellowship to be intellectual allies about the “gospel”. We are to be training people who will become increasingly able to reign with God in eternity. We are to be regularly and progressively learning more and more deeply the ways of Jesus so that they bleed out into everything that we do. John Ortberg summarizes this by saying our role is to bring Up There Down Here. We are to be Kingdom conduits that channel the character of God into this world.
Here are the questions that I am challenging myself with:
- Is your vision of the Kingdom of God compelling enough that other people would see it and want to get on board?
- Jesus promised the streams of living water would flow from inside of us. Does your life reflect streams of living water that are flowing from your soul?
- Do you look around and see the imprint of God’s image in the people around you and want for them to experience the life in Christ that you have obtained because it fills you with fullness of spirit?
- Does the message that our churches preach and teach create a compelling picture of what life with Christ is that our community might be attracted to the message and want to be a part of it?
Frank Laubach, a famous missionary and statesman once said it this way:
“The simple program of Christ for winning the whole world, is to make each person he touches magnetic enough with love to draw others.”
Honestly, until we have some answers to these questions our best bet might be to stop inviting people to our churches and start figuring out what true discipleship really looks like. When people can’t be kept away because they want what we have I think we will be onto something.
Keep moving forward,
Greg
On the water…
Posted on | September 1, 2008 | No Comments
I have had a great time this summer spending time with the Lord in the mornings on the lake. The routine has been getting up around 6:30-7:00am getting on the water quickly, Arrowhead for coffee and a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich, and then off to a spot to read, pray and memorize. I have spent most of that time memorizing Colossians 3, listening for God and trying to relearn how to to pray in the spirit and develop a prayer language.
The memory work is relatively easy and just comes from consistent effort. Learning a prayer language has been much more challenging. I spent most of the summer asking God for the gift, and the last few weeks speaking sounds. I don’t know what they are, mean, or even if they are real. After having talked to Keith and Paul and others about it I just decided to keep on speaking and see what happens. I honestly don’t feel particularly like the Spirit is speaking through me, or that something is happening other than normal sounds that don’t make sense to me. I definitely haven’t felt the release feeling that I have felt in other places where I have been broken and yielded myself, or in dreams or at times when I felt like I was going to speak in a tongue.
This has been a good opportunity to simply trust. I don’t know what is happening, I just know that I want to be fully yielded to God, I believe this gift is available to all, and it takes our initiative to cultivate. I’d like the feeling to go along with it because that makes things easy, but where is the faith in that. Faith in Jesus is enough, I’m going to continue to speak in faith.
I am going home quite full from this time with the Lord. He also gave me a word while I was out through a Bebo song called Walk Down This Mountain. It is about Peter and his experience at the transfiguration where he was wanting to create houses for Jesus and Elijah and Moses. He wanted to stay on the mountaintop. I find this to be true all the time in my life. I want my mornings on the lake to last forever. I want to stay in places where I have heard God speak, felt his presence, or been in sweet communion with someone in His presence.
However, as great as those times are and as filling in the spirit as they can be, the daily battles and plays of life are played out in real time, in the work world with employees and clients, in families with parents and children and siblings, in churches and other organizations, and with my neighbor every day. Staying on the mountain wasn’t an option for Christ, Peter, James & John, and it isn’t an option for me today. I need to remember this frequently. As Henri Nouwen said, “nothing conflicts with the love of Christ like service to Christ”. If I’m not careful I will make mountaintops my life and my life irrelevant to my faith.
Time to walk down the mountain.
GSR
Rittler on the hot seat
Posted on | July 31, 2008 | No Comments
That’s right…field day…target practice…good times. I’ll be on the hot seat with Geese interviewing me. Here’s your chance. We’ll keep it at my place this coming week.
Greg
Change of venue
Posted on | July 29, 2008 | No Comments
Hey fellas-
Yacoub had a baby last week. As a result we are going to be at my place instead of his house.
My address is:
1204 Brookside Lane
Towson, MD 21204
Thanks-
Greg
Goodie…what more can I say…
Posted on | July 5, 2008 | No Comments
Pat’s going to join us…he’s a legend.
Check the calendar for future guests.
“nobody cares about you after 25″
Posted on | July 5, 2008 | 1 Comment
That’s a big statement. Honestly it disturbs me. I have this understanding that I think is how followers of Jesus are to operate and this doesn’t fit. This was a statement that Trent said while we were talking Tuesday night. I got a lot out of our time with Trent. He’s a great example of a guy who is living a great life following Christ. But that statement bothered me.
It’s not that I disagree. I asked him if that is the way it is supposed to be and he just said “that’s the way it is”. I think in practice he is right, Trent’s a realist and I think that is reality.
But it doesn’t mean it has to be that way. To tell the truth, I still want to be cared for and care for others. I want to be loved and to love. I’ve heard a local say for a long time that in the final analysis the thing that matters in life is who we love and who loves us. Now that sounds more like the way of Jesus that I know. It also sounds like what I want.
I recently spent some time with a friend and mentor who was encouraging me in the faith. I was talking about some particular relationship issues that I was dealing with. It’s been a a painful situation and has produced a lot of struggle in me. Very early in the conversation I was struck that the root of the problem was simply that I wasn’t loving the other parties.
Dallas describes love as intending the best for someone. This seems like a simplistic way of viewing love, but as definitions go I think it stands nicely. When I look for the best of the other person I am willfully looking for what is best for them and that is truly what we all want isn’t it?
When I realized the position I was in I was able to change my attitude and realize that the problem was that I was really looking out for my best and not the best of the others in the relationship. It doesn’t make it easy but it does make it clear. Clarity means a lot.
So what does this have to do with the fact that nobody cares about you after 25? For me, it means that I will stand against that reality as is currently is. I still want to be loved and to love deeply. That takes a lot of effort and time and energy. That takes extra-ordinary effort really. But it is more of the way that I want to live than any other way.
When Jesus said “love your enemies” he wasn’t saying that as a punishment or consequence to being a Christian. It isn’t that when you’re a Christian you have to do these difficult things that no one on earth would really want to do. He is saying that loving others is the best way to live. Period.
I want to be a man like that. At 25, 45, 75 or 105. I still want to love and be loved. I’m going to do it.
Greg
Summer good times starts this week!
Posted on | June 28, 2008 | 1 Comment
Tuesday July 1st is the kickoff evening for this year’s summer good times series. Checkout the format section for a description of this year’s summer series. We have 7 guests who will be joining us. See the calendar for more information.
As usual plenty of time to hang out before and after. See you guys then.
Greg
16 years
Posted on | December 29, 2007 | 1 Comment
Elise and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary last week. I took the time to reflect on our marriage and how we have experienced life together during those years.
There were some big surprises when we were married. I expected us to live fairy tale lives. I am not sure why I thought this, but expect most of it has to do with Elise and my perception of the lives around us. That’s just sort of how things happened. This was the typical story:
Get married, have kids, raise a family, have a great job, go on vacations, have the same friends and new ones, and live happily ever after. That is what everyone did, right?
It didn’t take very long to realize this wasn’t the way it was going to work. The realities of life set in quickly and to stay. In the first 6 years we were broke a lot, surrounded by difficult relationships, I left the job I had pursued with all my might, often had conflict between Elise and I, and generally just had difficulty “getting on the same page” in life.
This was not the fairy tale we had expected.
Another shocker for me was when we were married and I realized we were not always going to see eye to eye about things. In fact, even on our honeymoon Elise and I were in conflict. It was not major, but it was enough for me to realize that it was going to be a bumpy road, not the smooth one that I had seen in the future.
I grew up in a home where conflict was not exposed. It was hidden or addressed in unhealthy ways - like sending letters back and forth instead of having face to face conversations. Usually this tactic was some variety of “throw a dagger at someone and then run and hide”. Elise grew up in a home where conflict was usually out in the open and in your face. Although it was exposed, it probably still was not always the healthiest. It didn’t take too long to adopt her families style of dealing with conflict, but while it was more in the open we didn’t always get to resolution very well..
On the flipside, even with these dynamics, there have been an amazing amount of things that have floored me in a positive way.
The first has been how incredibly intimate Elise and I have become. This intimacy has been an incredible experience and one that I would not trade for anything this side of eternity. Of course, before we were married, I would have stated the standard lines and ideas about being married and how intimate we would be (the two shall be one, a chord of three strands, blah, blah, blah) but the reality of experiencing this intimacy has been far more than I could have ever even imagined. This is truly God’s greatest gift to me in marriage. To be known and accepted and to know and accept has been a consistent joy in my life.
All the words in the world could not adequately describe the mystery of this intimacy and unity.
It has not been easy. In many ways it has been the hardest work Elise and I have ever had to do. But whatever pain and whatever work has gone into pursuing each other and allowing ourselves to be pursued has paid off as much as any earthly endeavor we have undertaken.
Another surprise has been the extent to which Elise and I have tracked together as we have sought to become more and more like Jesus. This has been a tremendous encouragement for both of us. We turn, and find each other being taught similar things. Sometimes I am a little further down the path of that journey, often she is trailblazing new paths, but in either case we are frequently reaching certain summits and milestones, going through valleys, and seeing landmarks at the same time together, side by side.
But maybe the most thrilling discovery over the last 16 years has been how all of the ingredients above have brought us closer and closer together in unison.
You see, if the fairy tale life we expected had come to fruition we never would have grown closer to each other. If conflict had not been allowed to shape us and expose hidden desires and parts of who we are, we would never experience the intimacy we enjoy now. In fact we would have stifled the very lives we would have both claimed we wanted when we started out. If we had lived life on the surface I am certain that we would not feel the unity that we feel together and before God that we experience now.
I had a friend describe two ways that couples often choose to relate with a lake metaphor. There are some people that tip toe around the edge of the water at the lake. They dip their toes in and walk in up to their knees gradually. They are cautious and make sure they don’t expose themselves to the danger that could lie beneath the surface of the water. They are afraid of going too far from the shore or dipping beneath the surface.
On the other hand, there are couples that jump into the lake and explore the depths. They drink from the deep waters that are below the surface. They are often startled by the temperature of the water. Sometimes the waves and wind mount a surprise coup that brings fear. They can’t be sure that when they go under everything will be fine when they surface again. In fact, there is always a chance that they won’t even get back to the surface again.
This is the kind of couple Elise and have chosen to be. Not that we have mastered anything, and we still stumble a lot, but we keep trying to explore the depths of each other and who we are as followers of Jesus.
There is something about knowing and being known that is inherently Godlike. He wants to know us, and wants us to know him. When you want to know and be known, it is going to be messy. It is going to be hard. But I would not trade this life with Elise for anything and the rewards on this side of eternity are ever increasing in their value. Not always on the surface but certainly in the deep waters that lie beneath. This is where the action really is.
Go and explore the depths of the deep. Love and be loved. Know and be known.
grace.mercy.peace.truth.love.action
An amazing woman.
Posted on | December 16, 2007 | 3 Comments
When I was a kid my image of Mary, Jesus mother, was of a shy schoolgirl dressed in the classic church play costume. The girl was usually a little ackward and undercomfortable in her own skin and was scared looking even in the play carrying a cheap baby doll Jesus. I often wish the images I learned in Sunday School could be gotten rid of. Often the flanel boards and simplistic plays left a western culture, suburban image of the heroes of scripture.
The truth is that Mary was one of the greatest heroes in all of scripture.
Just after after she finds out that she will bear the Son of God in her womb, at a young age, and will be shamed by those around her she says:
“Behold I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”
These words may be the most instructional words for any follower of Jesus in all of scripture. Mary clearly humbles herself (I am a servant of the Lord) and completely submits herself to what God wants (Let if be to me according to your word). In remarkably simple language Mary makes clear her position: regardless of what I want and even in circumstances that are sure to be seen as scandalous, I would have you do what you want in my life.
If you want the essence of the faith in Jesus I would argue that this may be it. I am a servant of the Lord, let it be to me according to your word.
John tells us another part of who Mary is. When she and Jesus were at a wedding and then ran out of wine she tells the servants
“Do whatever he tells you to do”
Mary clearly understands her son to be the miracle working son of God that he is.
In two more parts of scripture we see insight into Mary. The first is when she is at the foot of the cross watching her son die. How much pain this must have been. As a parent I can’t imagine watching my son being treated this way. I can’t imagine a more painful thing to happen. But there is Mary sitting at his feet.
“but standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home.”
The other is in Acts when we read about the followers of Jesus including the twelve and others:
“All these, with one accord, were devoting themselves together with the women and Mary mother of Jesus, and his brothers.”
My most admired part of Mary’s story though is when she goes to visit her cousin Elizabeth. Elizabeth is filled with the Holy Spirit and says:
“Blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.”
Then Mary says:
“My soul magnifies the Lord,
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant.
For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed;
for he who is mighty has done great things for me,
and holy is his name.
And his mercy is for those who fear him
from generation to generation.
He has shown strength with his arm;
He has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts;
He has brought down the mighty from their thrones
and exalted those of humble estate;
He has filled the hungry with good things,
and the rich he has sent away empty.
He has helped his servant Israel,
in remembrance of his mercy,
as he spoke to our fathers,
to Abraham and to his offspring forever.”
This description, coming from a teenage jewish girl who was scandalously pregnant from the worlds perspective is one of the most faith filled description of God and his kingdom in all of scripture. Mary is speaking this magnificat while in the most difficult of situations and knowing that she has a long and difficult road in front of her. Even in this Mary is proclaiming that God will right the wrongs in this world. He will bring the rich down and the poor up. He will exalt the humble and humble the exalted.
I know I can often talk a good game. I can make myself look smart and wise occasionally. I can motivate people sometimes. I can call something out of people that may encourage them. I can get people to follow me. I can sometimes see strategic things that other people can’t. I can help peoples vision become action.
But in the end, I often rely on my own abilities and purue my own purposes rather than the mission of bringing the kingdom of God to this earth. Mary’s words and deeds are the ones that I want to embody in my life. Not the self serving way that I often go about using my gifts, abilities, talents and treasures on this side of eternity.
Mary’s words and actions inspire me. Aside from Jesus, she is hands down my hero of the men and women in scripture. These words and actions are the ways that I want to respond to what God does in my life:
I am the humble servant of the Lord
May it be according to your word
Do whatever he tells you to do
Stand at the foot of the cross
Devote yourself to prayer
Even in my struggles and scandalous situations proclaim the kingdom
MAY IT BE ACCORDING TO THESE WORDS.
grace.mercy.peace.truth.love.action
Desire and our Story
Posted on | December 1, 2007 | No Comments
I have been struck a lot lately by the amount that our desire and deciding what our story will be determines where we go and what we do with our lives. Two thoughts that I ran into this week made me stop dead in my tracks and think about what kind of a man I am becoming. One was a quote from a book I am reading called Sacred Rhythms by Ruth Haley Barton:
“The depth of desire has a great deal to do with the outcome of our life. Often, those who accomplish what they set out to do in life are not those who are the most talented or gifted or who have the best opportunities. Often they are the ones who are most deeply in touch with how badly they want whatever they want; they are the ones who consistently refuse to be deterred by the things that many of us allow to become excuses.”
The other was a talk by Donald Miller about Our Story. It was a great reminder to me that each day every action is part of the story line of my life. The final quote by Miller was this:
“Our stories get written by what we do. Not by what we think or what we feel or what we want. That doesn’t count when you write a story. Its only written by what we do.”
What kind of a story am I creating? What will my legacy be? How will my wife speak of me when we are old and grey? How will my children speak of me when they are grown and gone? Who will I love and be loved by? What friends will I go the distance with? Who will exeperience God’s goodness as a result of my actions?
At the end of the day, when my life on this side of eternity ends and I pass on to the other side. What I want, my deep desire, what I want to determine my actions, is to be known as a man who was sold out for the mission of Jesus Christ on this earth - willing to lay down everything for Him. I fall way short most of the time but what I desire is to be that kind of man and to create that kind of a story.
I was talking to a good friend in Hawaii last night on Skype and he quoted a teacher he had learned from this week who said:
“Is the life that your living worthy of the death that Jesus died?”
This is my one and only life. My one chance. I want to lay it all out there and love people and be loved in it. Someday I’ll go home and my deep desire is to hear “well done Greg, your a good and faithful servant”.
grace.mercy.peace.truth.love.action